Last couple days..

We are doing pretty good. We are trusting God's plan. That brings us so much peace. I remember how hard life was before I could make myself trust God. I was always having a hard time dealing with life.. or the loss of life.

Thank you, God for your help.<3 And thank you for not giving up on me after all my stubborn years.

Yesterday, Bryant and mom came to pick me up and we went out to do a little Christmas shopping. Since I haven't been working, I've been secretly saving up my "lunch money" that my husband gives me. haha  I feel like a kid again. I wanted there to be a way for me to buy him Christmas presents without him knowing. I've been buying little things here and there and hiding the gifts at my parents' house. It works out pretty well since I haven't had much of an appetite with all these aversions. Why would I want to buy food if it is just going to go to waste? Why do that when I could just buy my boy a model rocket?  Haha  He's so cute. I love that little boy inside my man.

While we were out, we stopped at Kmart to get a few things and when we went to check out, we picked the  shortest line we could find.  Of course, you know what that means. Something always goes wrong in the "express" lane. I noticed the cashier was a sweet little old lady who was doing the best she could and it made me sad that the other people in line were being so impatient. I could tell she felt bad. The customer she was helping was also an older woman and seemed a little senile. I have never gone out around Christmas time and expected to get in and out of a store quickly! That's nonsense. Any way, the cashier really was a sweetheart. By the time we finally made it to the front, she was very apologetic and we assured her it wasn't a big deal. We made conversation with her to make her feel better. Talked about her 17 grandkids and how one of her daughters had quadruplets through ivf. Momma told her I am pregnant with twins and she lit up like a Christmas tree. She was so sweet- kept saying "congratulations and God bless you, Merry Christmas" I knew that lady shared the same faith as us. It was just to clear in the way we communicated. It was also clear in the way she treated the customer who took at least 30 minutes to check out. I am thankful for people like this cashier, who exemplify true character and the love of God through the way they treat others.

I checked my blood pressure at Kmart while we were there. It was 133/85.  When Chadd got home, we talked about it and he thought we should go back and have it checked again, to see if it stays the same throughout the day. When we went back, it was 119/76. Kinda crazy.  It had gone down quite a bit. I think Chadd helps. When he's with me, I always feel less stressed and healthier.  ;)

I am ready for this nausea be over and done with. It sure seems to have gotten worse over the last week. Baby C is still in me, which I feel is hard to think about. My body is still responding to the hormones generated by 3 placentas.  It makes it hard to sleep, eat and pretty much makes it hard to do anything!  I am ready to be normal again. Haha yeah right..  :)

I love having these babies grow in me. I love seeing my belly grow. I love seeing them kick and smile on the ultrasound screen. I love knowing that this time next year, I will be holding them and kissing their sweet & tiny faces. I am just thankful I am sick because I am pregnant and not because I have the flu. I love being pregnant and I love these babies so much.

I almost forgot to mention that we took the gender predictor test yesterday morning. It is said to be about 90% accurate. From what this test revealed, at least ONE of our babies is a boy. So either a boy and a girl or a boy and a boy (according to this test)   We will know for sure soon.. We're just dying to find out :)

Bitter sweet symphony

Today was bitter sweet. We went in for our 11 week ultra sound and only saw two heart beats. Baby C's heart stopped beating some time between our last ultrasound (2 weeks ago) and today. I knew it immediately, even before our ultrasound tech said anything.  :(   She called the doctor in and then I really knew.

God is going to take care of our little Baby C and send her back to us when she is more ready. We are thinking in a couple years maybe? I am not going to let this discourage me because I have to be strong for baby A&B and focus on the blessings. We have so many.

Our little baby A&B sure were charming today. Baby A was kicking his feet straight up in the air the whole time and Baby B was sucking her thumb. I wish we had clearer images/better resolution but I am just happy to see them with healthy heartbeats. I swear I see a little smile on Baby A's face.

Nightmares < Dreams < Reality (get it?)

I woke up from nightmares this morning around 5 a.m. I was trying to open my eyes and I couldn't. In my dream, I was losing my vision. I went to the bathroom and pulled my eyes open and they were beet red and looked really bad. I was at a family reunion in some house, surrounded by my cousins and other family. I overheard them bad mouthing me and I decided to give them a piece (or two) of my mind. But my eyes wouldn't open. They thought that since I couldn't see, that I was also deaf. Haha  I was ripping into people. I was very hurt and felt betrayed. I hate having dreams that people I love have turned on me. I seem to dream that a lot. This was actually one of the better dreams that I have had. They have been much worse. I have dreamed that family members were trying to kill me. I know this means nothing. I've always had wacked out dreams. I don't mind nightmares any more because when I wake up from them, I see my sweetheart laying next to me and just beam from the inside. It's like I have this little flicker of a flame going all the time, but when I see his face, it spreads through my whole body like a forest fire. Smokey the Bear would be on my heels every second of the day if he only knew.

Before I gave my life to God and my heart to Chadd, I would wake up from bad dreams and my life wasn't much better. I was miserable in almost every aspect of my life. Some times, my whole day would be affected by a bad dream. Some days, I read too much into them and it just made me paranoid. Having good dreams wasn't much better because I would wake up and feel depressed with my life since my dreams were so much sweeter. Now, I wake up from nightmares and I'm happy. I wake up from good dreams and I'm happy. It is all so different and I give all glory to God.  Because of God, I found my husband. And because of my husband, I found true love, the only thing I have ever wanted. 

BLAH!!! GROSS! Whatever, get over it. If you are sickened by this, it's because you are either A. an atheist, in which case, I am praying for you- not just because you need it but I know it pisses you off.  ;)

or B. You are bitter or jealous, in which case- GET over it and start having some faith in God because your life will start improving once you start believing.

Enough about that. This morning, I decided I wanted pancakes. Chadd took me to IHOP and we indulged in some very good breakfast food. I am sorry to admit that I haven't reached the point where I am genuinely enjoying my food yet, but I can say that I at least appreciate it. I can also say that I am so thankful I ate a whole stack of pancakes without gagging but once. Haha I made it to the very last two bites and I started shivering. Chadd laughed- of course- WHO wouldn't?  ha!

Then, we went to finish up our Christmas shopping and I was in the best mood. This is the best I have felt in a very long time. I haven't felt sick all day and I actually had enough energy to walk around the mall with my husband and I had enough patience to not beat anyone up for bumping into me. Yes, my temper has been kinda hot lately. I did, however yell at a guy in the parking lot for speeding through. There were little ones running all around. 

OOoooh!!! While we were shopping, Chadd spotted this beautiful coat that I have been wanting. Crazy, thing is, it was a coat I saw online but never even told him about and HE saw it and pointed it out. I guess he really knows my taste. :)   For years, I have been telling myself every winter that I will buy myself a nice winter coat and I never do. Chadd insisted on buying this beautiful coat for me for Christmas. He took a picture of me trying it on...

I managed to fold two loads of laundry and organize our closets. I am so happy I am feeling more normal today. I realize I have taken SO many thing for granted and I am going to try to make more of an effort to  be more thorough when I am thanking God for my blessings. Those little things are big things to some people. Those little things are usually the things we overlook that contribute most to our overall well-being and happiness.

I am going to turn on some Otis Redding and finish cleaning. I hope everyone has an awesome day.Count your blessings... I love you <3

Yay, it's Friday!

I am happy every Friday because it means I have a couple days to sleep in with my husband. I know that since I'm not working, it seems that I would be able to sleep in every day, but that's not the case. When he leaves for work, I toss and turn. The bed is not the same without him in it. I love that man so much.

This morning, I didn't get my usual "I made it to work safe" text that he normally sends me. I started to panic. I later found out that he had sent me the text- it just didn't come through immediately. I some times have those moments where I worry I will lose him. I just know that I could never be without him. Knowing life with him has spoiled me in every way. I don't want to remember what life was like without him. He is my favorite thing about living. I want to leave this world together and although it may be an unrealistic wish, I still tell myself it will happen that way.

I am feeling much better today as far as the nausea is concerned. I think it's because I have been forcing myself to eat every 1.5-2 hours. I can't wait to take a hot shower and pray. I always feel better after I do that.

I have almost all of our Christmas shopping done- granted- we are only buying a couple things this year since money is tight. We are really looking forward to Adam buying Chadd's house so we can stop stressing over the mortgage every month. It's really just too much for us to handle. 

I just sneezed and it felt sooooo good. There is nothing like a good sneeze. Thank you, God.

I've been having a hard time drinking water from bottles lately. That's crazy. :)  I can only drink it if it's poured over ice in a glass.  Normally, I drink most my water at room temperature. 

I've been having a hard time with words lately. I guess it's the pregnancy brain. Yesterday, it was figuring out "worse" and "worst".   I know that makes me sound stupid, but I am going to blame my pregnancy on that. :)

I have noticed it's harder to focus and think clearly. I also get anxiety and panic worse than before.

Chadd was happy to see that I started a blog. I am pretty sure only a few people will read it, but it's not really for anyone but us and our family any way. I am sure it will get more fun as the babies grow. Right now, it's just a scrambler of random thoughts and feelings. I can look back on it later and laugh at myself.

Frankie called me this morning. He told me he was playing with trains, that Gabriel is sleeping and then he said "I love you"   <3   Yes, it made my day.

I was on facebook and saw something that really upset me. It made me think about how selfish people are. It made me remember how selfish I used to be. So I thanked God for changing me and for bringing me Chadd and I thanked him even more for getting my heart right BEFORE I met Chadd. I could never hurt that man. The thought of someone hurting him makes me angry. I have hurt many people in my life, in my past. I hope to never do it again. Especially those that I love. I have a hard time letting go of regret and guilt. I have a hard time forgiving myself. I have to work on that... but I think it's good for me to remember how it makes me feel so that I NEVER go back to that old Anna again.

Oh, last night, Chadd and I watched some cartoons and laughed our butts off. It was so awesome. I never imagined I could feel so happy. We snuggled and loved on each other, talked about our babies that are coming and many other things. Then, he walked IN THE SNOW to get me a slushy. When he went to pay for it, he realized he left his wallet at home. He walked back to get his wallet and went back to the store again. He didn't even complain. I didn't want him to do that but he wanted to. He is such a good man. We've gotten through our first year of marriage and have yet to have any real falling out. We barely argue and when we do, we are QUICK to resolve things. He is just perfect. I told him he was perfect in September 2009 (when we first met) and he insisted that he was not. A year and a few months later, I still stand by what I said. He is the most perfect person I have ever known. 

My husband says I should start blogging.

Apparently, mothers of multiples like to blog. My babies have not yet made their debut, so I cannot say from real experience. I can say that I am ready to be done with this first trimester. I have heard of morning sickness and aversions, but this is something else. I am supposed to be getting between 3-4,000 calories a day (depending on who you ask) and I'm barely getting 2. And that is if I do nothing but eat all day long. Who ever thought that I would have a hard time eating?  I have lived my whole life thinking about what's for lunch or dinner. I am some times even fantasizing about what I will eat for Breakfast the next day. I think that's pretty disgusting. Who is this girl? Do an extra couple of babies growing inside of you, really make you that crazy!? haha

Chadd and I got pregnant with our triplets in mid October. I am now almost 11 weeks and almost made it to the 2nd trimester. I never imagined in a million years that I would ever carry triplets. After a couple miscarriages, I wondered if I could even carry ONE. God is full of surprises. I really thought I was dreaming when three babies appeared on the ultrasound screen. I still don't believe it. I am so happy and sick at the same time. I thank God for His many blessings even though I don't feel that I deserve them.

I think we are having two girls and a boy. I think Baby A is a boy and B&C are girls. Chadd thinks we are having two boys and a girl. I guess we will know soon enough. I am positive that we will be happy with whatever we get!

We have our first appointment with a specialist on Monday. Our old OB\GYN referred us because they don't deal with multiples. Guess they're too stewpid!  Just kidding. We are excited about seeing our babies at 11 weeks. Here they are at 9 weeks: